Hotohori and the neverending insanity
by Heliotrope
Summary: Poor Hotohori-sama awakens from a weird dream, to an equally weird day!


HOTOHORI AND THE NEVER-ENDING INSANITY

Mornings in the Konan palace were almost always the same. But this particular day was special.

The loving, generous Emperor; Saihitei, or as everyone usually called him, Hotohori, was asleep. He was having a very interesting dream, involving Nuriko in tight leather, wielding a whip. Why can't I ever have dreams like that?

" You've been a very bad boy, haven't you Hotohori-sama?" Nuriko asked, his voice low and sultry.

" Yeah! Yeah!" gasped Hotohori excitedly from his position; handcuffed to the bed. God only knows where he got the handcuffs from... oh well, it's his dream, who really cares?

" Heika! Heika!"

" That's it Nuriko-chan, say my name!"

" Heika... get up!"

Hotohori sat bolt upright. " Huh?! Oh, crap, it was just a dream." he glanced up and saw Houki standing over him. " Ah! Oh, er, hello dear wife, who I certainly don't love just for her looks and voice."

Houki rolled her eyes. " Do you have to greet me like that every day?"

" Sorry. I won't do that anymore."

" That's what you said yesterday!" Houki reminded him, her eye beginning to twitch. " And the day before, and the day before that, and the day before that, and the day--"

" Yes, yes, I get the point," said Hotohori, sitting up and pushing her out of the way.

" Hey! Watch where you're shoving, buddy!" Houki glared at him and clutched at her stomach.

" Why, you got another kid stashed in there?" asked Hotohori. Houki remained silent. " You haven't, have you?"

" No."

Hotohori looked extremely relieved. " Oh, thank Suzaku."

" But now that you mention it..."

" No, no!" interrupted Hotohori. " We don't need anymore kids, Boushin is quite enough, thank you."

Houki crossed her arms and pouted, looking even more like a certain 'someone' than usual.

" I mean it, no more kids," said Hotohori. " Now come on, let's go get something to eat."

* * *

Prince Boushin was annoyed. He sat up at the large dinning table, feeling rather sorry for himself. There was nobody his own age for him to play with. " I need a friend!" he yelled at no-one. Then, suddenly, Chiriko came bursting in through the door.

" I heard your cry, Boushin-sama!" announced Chiriko, skidding to a stop next to where Boushin was sitting. " So I have arrived to friend you!"

" Huh?"

" I wanna be your friend!"

" Oh! That's great!" a smile spread across Boushin's pretty little face. What? He's Hotohori's son, of course he has a pretty face. " Hey, Chiriko, can I ask you something?"

" Sure, go ahead," said Chiriko.

" How comes when you reincarnated, you appeared exactly the same age as you were when you died?"

Chiriko closed his eyes, looking wise and, er, nice. " Well my young friend, it's because of those wonderful things known as plotholes."

" Cool. ...You really want to be my friend, Chiriko?"

" I sure do! Now--" Chiriko whipped out a box from behind his back. "--let's play Jenga!"

* * *

Hotohori's plan of getting some food was cut short as the rest of the Suzaku Seishi came barrelling into him and his wife.

" Can't anybody here watch where they're going?!" Houki screamed, her voice getting extremely high pitched, causing everyone else to wince.

" Holy-Suzaku, no da! She sounds more like Nuriko then ever now, no da," exclaimed Chichiri.

Houki grabbed the poor monk by the shirt and started screaming in his face. " What is THAT supposed to mean?!"

" Er, nothing, no da..." Chichiri gulped loudly, a sweatdrop covering nearly his whole face.

Houki then noticed that Nuriko had latched onto Hotohori's left arm, and feeling annoyed by the fact that Hotohori did nothing to dislodge him, quickly grabbed his other arm.

Tasuki grinned as he watched the three of them wander off. " I would suggest putting a mark on the real Nuriko, so we could tell which one he is. But then I realised that he already does have a mark."

" What? You mean his mole?" asked Mitsukake.

" Well, that and his lack of breasts."

" But he didn't have any sign of breasts in the first few episodes, and the others all though he was female then."

" Shh, Mitsukake, you'll break the fourth wall."

" Ooops, sorry."

* * *

Hotohori blinked dumbly, glancing back and forth between the two purpled-haired people who were hanging onto him. He felt like he'd fallen into some sort of bizarre Twilight Zone parody. All sorts of thoughts rushed through his head; why is the sky blue? What does Houki keep hidden in the box under the bed? How do I know what the Twilight Zone is? Does Nuriko really own a whip? Why is Tamahome gnawing on my ankle?

" Huh?" Hotohori looked down, and saw that Tamahome was indeed gnawing on his ankle. " Tamahome, what the hell are you doing?"

Tamahome gazed up at him with sparkly eyes. " I just wanted to see if you tasted as good as you looked."

Nuriko raised his fist.

* * *

It was Nakago's bath time. Nakago enjoyed his bath time very much. It was just him, the hot-spring and Mr. Flibbles his rubber duck.

After arriving at the hot-spring, Nakago proceeded to strip off, much to the delight of Soi, Tomo and the rest of the Nakago fan club, who were hiding in the bushes, ogling the gorgeous blonde shogun.

Said blonde shogun noticed that something was amiss; Mr. Flibbles was gone!

Nakago took a deep breath. "... NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.

The Nakago fans fear-hugged and then came running out of the bushes, which was hard to do when fear-hugging, to help they're beloved Nakago.

" Nakago-sama, can we help you?" they chorused.

" Yes. Find Mr. Flibbles or you'll get the whipping of your life!"

Most of his fans promptly fainted at the thought of being whipped by him, the rest of them just fainted because Nakago had stood up while giving his order. The sight of a fully naked dripping wet Nakago had been too much for them.

Tomo and Soi stared, drooling.

" Don't just stand there gawping at me!" yelled Nakago, not bothering to cover himself up at all. " Hurry up and find Mr. Flibbles!"

And then Tamahome fell on him.

* * *

" He's mine!"

" No, he's mine!"

Hotohori blinked as he was pulled back and forth by the over-eager Houki and Nuriko. Each of them were holding onto one of his arms, and had began a mad tug of war style fight. Much like what happened between Miaka, Yui and Tamahome in my other story.

" Hotohori-sama, which of us do you like more?" Nuriko asked, batting his eyelashes at him.

" That's a fucking stupid question!" Houki screamed. " I'm his wife, of course he likes me more!"

Hotohori suddenly broke out their grip. " Leave me alone! I need food!" and with that he ran screaming to the dinning room.

Houki and Nuriko watched him go, and smirked. They weren't going to let him get away with that.

* * *

Boushin looked up as Hotohori came running into the room, slamming shut and bolting the door behind him. " Hi dad, what are you doing?"

" I'm hiding from your mother and Nuriko."

" Ah, understood," Boushin nodded, pulling out a Jenga tile and placing it on the top. It wobbled slightly, but didn't fall. Boushin gave a sigh of relief.

" Damm it," groaned Chiriko, taking out a tile of his own. " I was hoping it would fall."

Hotohori sat down next to them and began eating the nearest piece of food. Which happened to be a giant elephant made of jelly.

It was at that moment that the pounding on the door started. Hotohori looked over at it; his eyes wide in fear, and jelly running down his chin.

" Open this door, Hotohori-sama!" Nuriko yelled from the other side. " Or I'll be forced to use my whip on you!"

Hotohori gasped, throwing his jelly aside. " Gasp! Nuriko, you DO have a whip! Come to me my love!" he flung the door open and leapt into Nuriko's arms, and, well… missed.

Nuriko stared down at the collapsed Emperor at his feet. " Er, are you OK, Hotohori-sama?"

" … yes," he answered weakly, and then Tamahome fell on him.

Tamahome go off of him and then sat down, his legs crossed, and rocked back and forth. He started muttering to himself, " Nakago naked… fan-girls screaming… whips cracking… camera's flashing… Mr. Flibbles in odd places… "

" JENGA!" Boushin shrieked in delight, cutting off Tamahome mid-mumble.

Chiriko took a deep breath, and every one covered their ears. " NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

And then Tamahome fell on him… wait, what?

* * *

Hotohori leapt up, gasping loudly. He gripped at the blankets and tried to calm himself. " Huh? Blankets?" he blinked, looking around, and gave a sigh of relief. " Ah, it was just a dream."

A figure next to him rolled over. " That's right sweetheart, it was just a dream," they whispered comfortingly.

Hotohori's eyes widened in horror. " MIBOSHI?!"

The demonic little body-snatcher smiled. " Yes, my angel. Now let us make sweet, passionate love for the next six hours."

" … ARGHHHHHHH!"

Hotohori leapt up once again, sweat poured down his back. " Oh thank Suzaku, THAT was just a dream."

And once again, there was someone next to him. Hotohori tensed, prepared for the worst. " Are you OK?!" the figure asked.

Hotohori let his eyes close, feeling very relieved. It was only Houki. " Yes, dear, I'm fine."

" That's good dear. Anyway, I'm glad your awake, there was something I wanted to tell you," Houki grinned at him and sat up. " … I'm pregnant!"

" … NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

And with that, our story ends!


End file.
